Dear Diary,
It was very rare to write such entry... with English version. My apologize for the grammar errors...I'm not so fluent with English, but still wanted to try out.
Yesterday, I got a news from my father. He called me via my number, and said that my mother is not well since a week ago. I'm not so surprise with the news, honestly... coz I got the sign about it. I've suffer a hard back pain since a week ago, and it is hard for me to breath. So, I couldnt be so hyper as usual. In addition, I also got homesick... maybe some people will laugh at me because of that. But... why do I need to shy for it? Maybe I'm so childish (in some people's eye sight) and I admit that... but I wont going anywhere if I just think about the heart that I've left at my hometown.
Yet... I've already become "unconscious" inside. The most fear that I've try to avoid for many years... the death heart. I'm telling you that it was not because of broken heart or get dumped (Sorry to say, but I prefer single...LOL... just because I feel that I'm not matured enough to give my heart to someone else), but it was because of deep missing and feel so lonely. Someone said, "Ah...just call your parents... we're not living in stone age anymore" or "You're such annoying you know" and so on... but;
do they knows on how it feels when I want to feel my home surrounding?
do they knows on how it feels when I want to get closed to my family?
do they knows on how it feels when I wish to eat something that made by my mother?
do they knows on how it feels when I wanted to be pampered by my father?
do they knows on how precious my family is?
do they knows on how it feels when I need to make sure that everything is gonna be fine inside my family?
do they knows on how much I wanted to leave everything but I cant just because I've made an unbreakable promises to my parents long time ago?
do they knows on how expensive is the price that I need to pay... just for having a scroll of degree and bring it across South-China Sea for my parents?
do they knows about the difference between "you heard the voice" and "you see the person" ?
do they knows on how it feels when all of the time, even I've been surrounded by thousands of people, I still cant sense the presence of "family"?
only one answer: THEY DONT... coz as my former English teacher have told me once, "people cant understand how it feels...until they've the same feelings as you're. The linear and chemistry becomes one... and on that time, they'll realize that 'I should not said such things to that person'... "
As I've no choice but planning on how I'm gonna survive these coming 3 months here, I do...preparing a little black diary for my parents. Which I will write inside it everyday...even I know that they're not be able to read it unless someone read for them (my father still can read, but my mother not)...and for some reason, I'm writing those in English version... means, inside my family...only me and my youngest sister will be able to translate it, as the other siblings can't understand English. I'm doing it on my own purposes... there is something that only me, my lil'sister and my parents knows. =^^= hehe
Last night... I've wrote something for my mother inside the diary... EIN BRIEF VOR MEINE MUTTER... but here is the translation... ^^"...
Dear Mama,
Once...
I've play for you a nice...
smooth melody from my flute...
Along with my happiness...
Accompany you to be your strength....
With a promise "I'll take care of you..."
But now...
I just can compose...
A "Missing Melody" from my violin...
Along with my loneliness...
Accompany you as a replacement of myself...
