Let The Magic Begin

Welcome to Hogwarts

Rabu, 26 Oktober 2011


Dear Diary,

It was very rare to write such entry... with English version. My apologize for the grammar errors...I'm not so fluent with English, but still wanted to try out.

Yesterday, I got a news from my father. He called me via my number, and said that my mother is not well since a week ago. I'm not so surprise with the news, honestly... coz I got the sign about it. I've suffer a hard back pain since a week ago, and it is hard for me to breath. So, I couldnt be so hyper as usual. In addition, I also got homesick... maybe some people will laugh at me because of that. But... why do I need to shy for it? Maybe I'm so childish (in some people's eye sight) and I admit that... but I wont going anywhere if I just think about the heart that I've left at my hometown.

Yet... I've already become "unconscious" inside. The most fear that I've try to avoid for many years... the death heart. I'm telling you that it was not because of broken heart or get dumped (Sorry to say, but I prefer single...LOL... just because I feel that I'm not matured enough to give my heart to someone else), but it was because of deep missing and feel so lonely. Someone said, "Ah...just call your parents... we're not living in stone age anymore" or "You're such annoying you know" and so on... but;

do they knows on how it feels when I want to feel my home surrounding? 
do they knows on how it feels when I want to get closed to my family?
do they knows on how it feels when I wish to eat something that made by my mother?
do they knows on how it feels when I wanted to be pampered by my father?
do they knows on how precious my family is?
do they knows on how it feels when I need to make sure that everything is gonna be fine inside my family?
do they knows on how much I wanted to leave everything but I cant just because I've made an unbreakable promises to my parents long time ago?
do they knows on how expensive is the price that I need to pay... just for having a scroll of degree and bring it across South-China Sea for my parents?
do they knows about the difference between "you heard the voice" and "you see the person" ?
do they knows on how it feels when all of the time, even I've been surrounded by thousands of people, I still cant sense the presence of "family"?

only one answer: THEY DONT... coz as my former English teacher have told me once, "people cant understand how it feels...until they've the same feelings as you're. The linear and chemistry becomes one... and on that time, they'll realize that 'I should not said such things to that person'... "

As I've no choice but planning on how I'm gonna survive these coming 3 months here, I do...preparing a little black diary for my parents. Which I will write inside it everyday...even I know that they're not be able to read it unless someone read for them (my father still can read, but my mother not)...and for some reason, I'm writing those in English version... means, inside my family...only me and my youngest sister will be able to translate it, as the other siblings can't understand English. I'm doing it on my own purposes... there is something that only me, my lil'sister and my parents knows. =^^= hehe

Last night... I've wrote something for my mother inside the diary... EIN BRIEF VOR MEINE MUTTER... but here is the translation... ^^"...

Dear Mama,

When I miss you so much...I'll try to play even a single note by using my violin... and hope that the wind could send it for you... that my heart always whisper "I would like to be there by your side as I could". I wish that you'll know... on how worth a word to me right now... even far away, I still want to keep sending you my melody... along with a string that unbreakable forever...sealed inside an envelope called "heart"...special for you. Here... I wrote a poet for you...and fill every words with my feelings right now...

I've play for you a nice...
smooth melody from my flute...
Along with my happiness...
Accompany you to be your strength....
With a promise "I'll take care of you..."

But now...
I just can compose...
A "Missing Melody" from my violin...
Along with my loneliness...
Accompany you as a replacement of myself... 
With a promise "I'll take my responsibility...to be the one who'll be able to help everyone"

By heart,
Your daughter

What I wish for now on... I hope that my mother will recover soon. Maybe I shouldnt be a crybaby anymore... as I'm trying to improve myself here. Life is short... and I shouldnt give up to my conditions. I still got a little strength to stand in the road...and a tiny light that accompany me to across the road of "University Life". Mum... wish me luck... and Papa... lend me your advice as my shield...and I hope that I can become stronger as you're.

    P/S:: This is...(=^^=) Earl Charles Grey from Kuroshitsuji... *adore*

Me: He's really cute~<3<3<3

Sabtu, 22 Oktober 2011


Assalammualaikum wbt...

Alhamdulillah... baru saja selesai membaca blog rakan saya...Yaya... thanks so much~<3 muacks... hehehe...

Okay2... saya terfikirkan sesuatu yang langsung xda kaitan dgn "personal matter". Huu~ sebab rasanya, saya masih terlalu naif lagi mahu fikir2 pasal personal2 nih... let the time heal it. =D Hari ni 1 Jun... penerbangan saya sepatutnya pada awal pagi nih... 7.15 berlepas dari LCCT. Tapi saya dah balik Sabah dengan flight 9 mei hari tuh. ;) hehehe

Tapi terus terang saya kata, saya menyesal balik awal. Betul2 menyesal... tapi... x mengapa la. Saya rasa mungkin... ada baiknya begini, walaupun kini hati saya meronta nak balik UPM. Kenangan saya tertinggal di sana... dan KERANA itu saya rasa berat hati. Tapi, KERANA memikirkan parents saya yang memerlukan saya, saya sudi melepaskan semuanya... ikhlas KERANA Allah Taala. Baru2 nih, badai melanda bahtera keluarga kami... tapi alhamdulillah kini segalanya kembali tenang walau masih bergelora. Tak perlulah saya catatkan di sini. Bagi saya, itu ujian Allah SWT... ya... ujian... ujian kepada saya sebagai seorang anak, ujian kepada saya sebagai seorang adik, dan juga ujian sebagai seorang kakak... tak lupa juga, ujian kepada saya sebagai hamba Allah yang lemah.

KERANA... disaat saya baru hendak berdiri semula, ujian datang lagi... tapi saya redha. Saya tahu...suatu masa nanti saya akan menghadapi situasi yang lebih sukar dari yang saya alami hari ini atau hari2 sebelumnya. Mungkin kerana saya masih kurang mengerti... dan kurang memahami situasi? Ah... tak kisah lah. Saya harap saya tak pentingkan diri sendiri... tapi, jika atau sekiranya perlu.... saya sanggup jadi "knight" kpd family saya. Perlukah? Saya kena hati2... situasi tak membenarkan saya untuk terleka walau sesaat pun. Kehidupan yang tak sesuai untuk tumbesaran... *smirk* tapi... saya mmg tak pandai besar pun (org kata saya "budak2..." huh...penat saya dengar...)

Saya... terjebak dalam suatu jenis permainan. Ibarat bermain catur tapi ia set yang ganjil...ada 3 pemain... dan setiap set itu mempunyai raja yang berbeza. Saya... kalau boleh saya tak mahu terlibat langsung... ^_^" Hopefully.