A FLASHBACK OF MY MEMORIES: ABOUT A LADY #1

Dear Diary,

I wrote something that inspire me today... maybe because last night I got lack of sleep. Why? lately, before I fall asleep I always want to motivate myself...seems like I've become so weak. Weak in both mental and physical conditions. NVM, I know that it was just a test for me...a test...yes... oh...here, I wrote this one as my FB status...

I choose to protect...
even to protect isn't something easy for me...
I'm willing to keep those promises...
As it was a reef knot of trust for me...
I dare to left everything for myself...
just because I wanted to see the happiness in my family...
And I would never regret...
as long I know that I'm still in my track...

 You know, I'm start to think that it was really true, no matter how tough is a girl, she will feel on how big the responsibility is when she got it. Furthermore, it was a responsibility through a promises that she couldn't break. I would like to share... a story of mine, maybe this is a normal situation for you but opposite for me. 

 Long time ago, before I enroll at UPM, I still remember that I asked my aunt to tell me something. It was sounded like this:

 Me: Aunty, can you please tell me about something? this is something that I cannot discuss with my mother because I'm still thinking that it was really unsuitable for me to discuss it in such age.

Aunty: Sure... huh/ why not? you're almost 20....

Me: Actually... I dont understand so many things about love matter...I'm so sorry, this word "love" doesnt exist inside my mind before this... and to discuss it with mum or dad...I'm kinda shy...

Aunty: How weird you're, niece.  Usually people does discuss that matter with their parents. <she laugh>

Me: *speechless*

Aunty: Okay...pardon me. What is that?

Me: I wonder on something... err... aunty, do you ever fall in love with someone before this?

Aunty: Yes... to be honest with you, I admit that. But that's not the reason that I didnt get married until now...you know dear, sometimes we must let go of something that doesnt belongs to us.

Me: means?

Aunty: In my case, I didnt found anyone as him before this...and now it was impossible for me to get married... I'm already near to 50. 

Me: But aunty, did you ever confess to him?

Aunty: nope... I didnt. In most of the time I think that I got something to do than get married.. I come from the poor and big family, dear... so I choose to forget about love and move on to help them.

Me: Okay... *still thinking* Ah...I would like to know on how does my mum and dad get married? I got a feelings that mum doesnt like dad after all... but she was really weird...you know, sometimes I saw those two just like the young couples... teasing and teasing each other... but somehow I'm so happy to see them like that. 

Aunty: ah...about your mum... that sister of mine really a tough woman...actually, she and your father betrothed because of their parents. As I know from the real story, your mum actually doesnt like your father but she didnt hate him. Those two doesnt become a couple and doesnt dating even once before they get married. Our family tradition was very strong, dear. We always wanted to protect the family and dont ever blame your parents if they were so worry abut you. 

Me: I dont get it...I mean, those two... why they had betrothed because of their parents?

Aunty: because... long time ago, the old folks always used several kind of ways to prove that they choose the right person for their son. Your mum for example, she was asking to visit her mother-in-law and you know, she was doing the chores in all day. After that, the old folks will look on how you can manage those things...if you did it in proper way, you're pass.

Me: so complicated...

Aunty: yes... it is. Not every person can do it... you know, the old folks also kinda scary.

Me: Har??? O.O"

Aunty: because they can propose you without your knowledge and ask your parents for your hands in marriage. then your parents will accept it for you.

Me: WHAT? okay... that was very... *gulp* scary... @.@ Aunty...do you think that my parents will do the same for me and my siblings?

Aunty: I dont think so... they doesnt chose anyone... as long he got the IC, job and willing to take care of their daughter until the end. You see, I dont think that your mum will do the same for you.

Me: why?

Aunty: because so far... I know that she loves you and she knew you for a long time... since she was the one who given birth to you... she do said this to me also, that she got her high goals for you.

Me: Yeah... I do making several promises infront of them...

Aunty: keep up your promises... no matter what, old folks like the young generations who are honest and willing to keep the promise. You know, to promise is easy but you must remember to fulfill it. I dont get it... what is your promises between them...may I know if you dont mind?

Me: it was...something about the secret of family from your side, and something about taking care of this family if they're already gone, also something to do with those two youngest sisters of mine after I grade someday...also, something like that "wasiat" from my mother... to look after the family with my elder brother, which means, even I'm a girl, but I still got the responsibility to have a look after them as one of the head of family. Mum said that... I just...oh..I need to prepare myself...

Aunty: I see...must be because you got two brothers only. Your mother also take the same responsibility when our elder sister get married...we only got our youngest brother, the only son in my family. You can do it, dear...trust me. Your mother might see something inside you that you cant see by yourself before... but perhaps she does believe that you're the one who will fight for the peace in family... 

 Okay... so far, those are something that still haunted my mind lately...when I feel so down to underground, I would think about it... still, no matter what happen, I shouldnt give up. My family need me, and I'm the one who can help them right now. Not only because of my degree that I will get here, but because that my responsibility towards them. Also, a willing to do it all because of Allah no matter what reason it was.